So….. it’s been a hot minute since you’ve dated, been on a date, been intimate, all the things. NOW WHAT?! Dating in your 30’s (as I sit here I’m nearly 37) has to be one of the weirdest, most overwhelming things ever. This is coming from someone who is NOT in the dating world but is a divorcee. I have worked with so many people who are reentering the dating world after years of being single, or being newly divorced, or who have never been in a relationship at all and are now in an arranged marriage. I’ve worked with polyamorous couples, same sex couples, hetero couples, young couples, and old couples. And let me be clear, I don’t partake in couples counseling, but I do work with one of the individuals in those relationships.
I started dating my ex-husband when I was 22 and divorced when I was 35, I wouldn’t know the first fucking thing about dating anyone. How do you even date? What do you talk about? Where do you meet? How do you trust? When do you have sex? Do you wait or just do it? All the things, amiright?! So fast forward, you’ve scheduled a date with someone and you are freaking the fuck out! Let’s take a breath and unpack everything you are worried about. First and foremost, BE YOU BOO, don’t damper who you are, what you like, how you dress, how you speak. DO YOU! If that person does not vibe with you or does not enjoy your company that is a them issue, you are a bomb ass, beautiful person who has a fuck ton of magic to offer!!!!
Here’s one thing to remember, DO NOT COMPARE YOUR JOURNEY to anyone else. Couples on social media show you the BEST parts of their relationships, not the ins and outs, not the fights, not the “ugly parts”. I have worked so hard with women, specifically, to learn to use their voice in a relationship. Do not be a martyr because you don’t want to be “a nag” or because you don’t want to seem “needy.” FUCK THAT NOISE, express your needs, express your expectations, if they don’t like it, or are unwilling to hear you or what you have to say, they can kick rocks! It really is “that easy”. We have the right to choose OURSELVES and our happiness over wanting someone to stick around who likely doesn’t deserve you.
I am fully aware that online dating is a HUGE success for a lot of people. I have friends who have found their soulmates and loves of their life. HOWEVER, I have also worked with people who have been misled, deceived, and heartbroken by online dating. For myself, I would be terrified that I would meet with someone and be immediately murdered and chopped up or tortured (hello Forensic Psychology brain who loves true crime)! Here’s what I have noticed in friends or clients who have online dated, boundaries are still ESSENTIAL. Protecting your heart is still ESSENTIAL. Giving someone a chance without giving them your whole heart at once when it seems perfect, is hard as fuck. Do you ever connect with someone online and immediately want to be friends or date them because you have such a great connection? Have you ever met one of them in person and realized the connection was more so because the communication was all in text form??? Cause yeah, that’s a thing. Talking via text is SOOOOOOOOOOOOO easy and you can say a lot of things and then get in front of them and turn into a quiet mouse or you realize they do not have the same energy you felt via the internet/phone. You have to be able to feel their energy and experience what they are like in person to really know if you want to pursue it further.
At the end of the day, remember, you are a magical, bomb ass human who has so much to offer. Don't over think or stress about the whole process and what may or may not happen. BE PRESENT, be MINDFUL, be IN THE MOMENT. That is where the magic happens and that is where you will feel a connection! Good luck out there boo! You got this!!!
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